Well, it’s a new day over here at Sarasota Magazine. The staff, me included, is now expected to work twice as hard—and for no increase in pay. We’ve had all sorts of new “tasks” dumped in our laps.

Mr. Uppity is looking for an actor for his film. He hires Mr. Forgetful who, as it turns out, cannot memorize his lines. Mr. Bump wakes up and when he gets out of bed, he steps on his skateboard and ...

Scene: a TV studio. Mr. Chatterbox sits on Oprah's couch, looking as if he might cry. OPRAH: I feel duped. I feel you lied to me, Mr. Chatterbox. Your new book, A Million Little Parties, comes out, ...